john hughes changes everything...

do you ever wish you could just be a character in a john hughes film? i do. a lot. his movies were just genius. the breakfast club, ferris buller's day off, pretty in pink, sixteen candles; that is a list that continues to define teen angst and love and figuring out who we are. anyway i've been in an 80's mood lately so i thought i'd post a little tribute.

And the Lord was with him...

my sophomore year of high school (i think. potentially it could have been my junior year. ask phil if you want the exact date) one of my leader's started a saturday morning class. we'd meet at church and worship in the balcony of the sanctuary and then we'd go to this room by my dad's office and have some sort of lesson on discipleship. i want to be clear: this was SATURDAY MORNING! and it was early, really early. i don't remember exactly how early, but trust me, it was definitely a sacrifice. and although my body would yell at me each week to just skip it, i never did. those mornings were some of the best worship i have ever participated in. and that's saying a lot, because i have been in some really dynamic worship. it wasn't because of the caliber of the worship leader. it wasn't because the music was so new and exciting. in fact it was just a small group of us, one guitar, and some off-key voices. but there was this beautiful spirit of adoration in the room.

after awhile our leader was off to new adventures. and so saturday morning class stopped. i didn't think much of it. i missed the worship, but i wasn't like desperate to rip my body from my bed that early anymore. one day i was hanging out with my friend tyler and he mentioned that he really missed devoting that morning time to the Lord. he told me he was going to start a weekly morning prayer group. he wanted to meet wednesdays before school. now we're talking even earlier. this i distinctly remember: 6:30am! it was still dark out when we would head to church. and although i felt this slight twinge of sadness for my warm bed, it was infigorating to begin my day with the Lord. for a few weeks it would just be me and tyler. we'd meet up in the balconey and just seek the Lord's will. i loved it. i have never felt so sure of my faith as i did on wednesday morning.

i would say that the past 5ish years have not been great when it comes to my devotion for God. i'm still seeking Him, but it's always half-hearted and on my terms. and slowly i have drifted from His side. i'm no longer the same girl that put everything in her life second to her savior. i've been trying so hard to get back there. and this morning i was reading a verse that a friend sent me: "... one of the servants answered, 'i have seen a son of Jesse of Bethlehem who knows how to play the harp. He is a brave man and a warrior. He speaks well and is a fine-looking man. AND THE LORD IS WITH HIM.'"

and the Lord is with him. and the Lord is with him. and the Lord is with him. no matter how many times i hear those words they never stop being powerful. i never stop missing them; those words used to describe me. it's time i went back to walking with my Jesus. and that means it's time to put my hand back in His.

copy-cat, 2009 edition...

so clearly i steal my best ideas. but i was reading my friend haley's blog (a great pastime you should try) and i loved how she summed her year up. i've been trying to find a good way to do the same... so i'm stealing hers: the following are the people, places, and moments that defined me this year. some of them helped me to better grasp who i am and who my God calls me to be, others were just plainly a bad influence. I want to be clear that the following items are listed for all sorts of reasons. so don't take any of it as an advertisement (necessarily)!

BOOKS: The Power of One (Bryce Courtenay), The Furious Longing of God (Brennan Manning), The Twilight Series (Stephanie Meyer)

SONGS: divine romance (phil wickham), don't stop believin' (glee cover), i didn't know my own strength (whitney houston), by your side (tenth avenue north)

PEOPLE: President Barack Obama, Sally Cook, Pierre Bartels, The Klug Family, Kevin Cox, and Chelsea Handler

WEBSITE: www.youthspecialities.com/jobs

Album: Line on the Horizon (U2), ACTS 2009

MOVIES: (this was by far the hardest category to sum up) Invictus, Schindler's List, Last Chance Harvey, P.S. I Love you, Star Trek

TV SHOWS: Sons of Anarchy, Survivor, The Real Housewives

MISC: Directing ACTS, Leaving SAPC, Last Family Camp, Moving Out, Standing Up, Tyler getting married, Letting Go, AAA, Joining and Leaving the OAM Board, Trust

brave new world...

there have been a lot of ways in which st. andrews presbyterian church (sapc) left a distinct mark on my faith. so much of how i view God comes from the love and support and tears and anger that i got while attending sapc. but i think that if i had to sum all that up in one program it would be the acts (ambassadors for christ through song) program.

at first acts was this place that as a girl i just couldn't wait to be a member of. it represented everything cool and enticing and awesome. as i got older acts came to be the place where i met God. it was the process of going to practices and working hard and then enjoying a week of tour away from my life that taught me what relationship truly means.

and over the years with every tour i have fallen more in love with this program. i have seen it from every possible angle, worked every imaginable job. there is nothing more precious to me. it is what i look forward to all year. but this year for the first time in 19 years i won't be going. this past sunday acts had it's first practice and i wasn't there. they've picked the music and i had no hand in it. as i have been making the transition from sapc to resurrection lutheran church there haven't been many noticable disappointments. but here is one. i want so badly to get on that bus in june. i want to help students to see how necessary God is. i want to laugh with kevin about whether or not he'll actually get to be in charge of the movies. i want to roll my eyes with matty as albie puts a cold snapple on his neck. i'm going to miss out on the stories. i'm going to miss out on the fun and the blind hatred of modesto, california. and there is this very significant part of me that is mourning this loss.

however, there is another part of me; a smaller and less vocal part. this other part is so excited to see how God will use me with a brand new summer. for the first time in my entire life i am facing a summer without the traditions of st. andrews. no vbc, no family camp, no sunsets. and i think that this fresh summer holds many wonderful surprises.

so i wish the acts choir all the success in the world. i love you all fiercely and when i watch the home concert i expect to see those altos kicking some major ass!

divine romance...

This year the song that has changed me the most is Divine Romance by Phil Wickham. I don't really want to take the time now to explain what the lyrics have meant to me or how they have kept me standing when all I want to do is lay down. I just want to write them here and hope that they will have a chance to speak to you.

The Fullness of your Grace is here with me.

The Richness of your Beauty's all I see.

The Brightness of your Glory has arrived.

In your Presence God, I'm completely satisfied.

For you I sing, I dance

Rejoice in this Divine Romance

Lift my heart and my hands

To show my love, to show my love

A Deep, Deep Flood; an ocean flows from you.

Of Deep, Deep Love, yeah its filling up the room.

Your Innocent Blood has washed my guilty life.

In your Presence God, I'm completely satisfied.

christmas...

i love christmas. it's my absolute favorite time of the year for all the reasons you can imagine. i love when the weather turns cold and i can pull out my ugg boots. i love that all the stores play holiday music and hang up completely exagerated decorations. there's something about this time of year that makes me feel more hopeful- makes me believe in magic.

this morning i've been sitting at my desk preparing a message on advent. ironically this morning when i got into work a friend of mine had posted a blog on that very subject. it got me thinking.... there's so much in this world that we wait for. we wait for education and true love and financial stability and babies and birthdays and we even wait in line just about everywhere we go. lots and lots of waiting. i'm not usually a fan of waiting but this time of year i can't wait to wait.

go read luke 17:11-19. go on. go right now.

jesus heals ten lepers. changes their lives completely. and then as he sends them towards new life he stays on the road and waits. maybe he knew one would come back. maybe he used his super-awesome divinity powers and knew that his waiting would be rewarded. or perhaps he tapped into his limited humanity and just hoped the waiting would be worth it. as we step into advent there's so many different ways that we're waiting. and i know as you watch the world around you flaunt it's brokenness its so easy to reject that sense of anticipation. but do me a favor: just for the next few weeks let the cynic in you take a back seat and embrace the waiting. trust the magic of christmas. remember that a baby was born and he changed everything and let's not keep him waiting on the road for us.

Why I Love Sally...

Sally "Day 100" is coming up and so in preperation here are 100 reasons why I love you.

1. Because you are always genuine.
2. coloring skills
3. your curiosity
4. your eyelashes
5. how much you love sam from west wing
6. cake skills
7. that you keep the wrapping paper
8. willingness to fight
9. devotion to justice
10. how you roll your eyes at me when you're frustrated
11. how much you want colleen to succeed.
12. how much you want to be vulnerable
13. sense of compassion
14. your rock word
15. you want a dog
16. you really listen
17. an amazing memory
18. you've made such progress with the lady
19. you don't give up easily
20. you want to know that aaron is ok
21. you pray for the people you love
22. your patience
23. your desire to do big things with your life
24. your work ethic
25. your attention to detail
26. your desire to be bones
27. your tie-dye shirts
28. our contract
29. your intensely accurate perceptions of people
30. the way you and sydney laugh
31. your silliness
32. your willingness to trust me
33. your mom walks with kerry
34. that you text me everyday
35. your strength
36. how graceful you are
37. the way you let your friends in even when its hard
38. your willingness to share on acts
39. your sense of humor
40. your crazy stories
41. the pictures you draw in church
42. your ability to forgive
43. your wacky belief that toby's a real person and your desire to give him a hug
44. how hard you work at school
45. your crazy adventures with jen
46. how much you eat cereal
47. how specific you are
48. your chelsea archeology
49. your ocd-ness
50. the way you say, "ok chelsea" with a big sigh
51. that you watch one tree hill with your mom
52. that you have a special drawer
53. the way you can make any regular old occasion special
54. that you're willing to try new food (i.e. thai and green temple) even though ultimately you end up hating them
55. that you want good things for your friends
56. that you made daniel-opoly
57. that you commit 100% to whatever you're doing
58. that you have high expectations of those around you
59. you're sweet, fragile spirit
60. that you went to great lengths to hide your facebook
61. that you hate birds
62. your tenacity
63. that you call yourself pigey
64. that you want a bright and glorious future
65. your smile
66. your hugs
67. the weird look that comes over you when you're deep in observing someone
68. that you appreciate others
69. that you remember to tell people that they're wonderful
70. your generosity
71. that you don't let failure stop you from trying again
72. your fascination with rolly-pollys
73. that you take people at face value
74. your desire to have better and more honest relationships
75. that you're vulnerable enough to draw the tree picture and then trusting enough to give it to me
76. that you let God use music and media to speak to you
77. that crazy worried look you get
78. that you keep a gps with sophie
79. that your heart is so big and full of love
80. that you took the time to plan my party
81. even though this is a rare one: when you wear dresses
82. our game
83. how much you love jen
84. how protective you are of the people you love
85. your logic
86. your weird love of dik-diks
87. that you appreciate all the hard work matt does
88. that you notice the little things
89. that you never get sick of my stupid stories
90. the weird way you fold laundry
91. that you love charades with julia and katelin
92. what a great dish washer you are
93. that your constantly trying to better yourself
94. your shoes
95. that you're so crafty
96. how commited you are to your journals
97. that even though you're crazy with cleaning, your room is a mess
98. your imagination
99. your desire to help others
100. sally, the 100th reason i love you is that i know you will make it to day 100. i know that you are doing great and i am so proud of you.